Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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