just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
