apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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