There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
