Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
