i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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