legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
