Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
