I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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