you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
