don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
