I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
