we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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