She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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