and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
