that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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