My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
