The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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