I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
