I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
