I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
