If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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