We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
