Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
did i just pee glitter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
