You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
