Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
