Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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