You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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