Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
