That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
