What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
