If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
