Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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