If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
