Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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