nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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