chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
