just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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