I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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