Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Terrible idea I love it
i out mim tonsoeep
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
