Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
