i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
