So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
