dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
