I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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