porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
