I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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