I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
