What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
