I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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