No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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