I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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