I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
