and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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