Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
