I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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