I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
