eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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