Walk of Shame today included voting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
