He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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