Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this beer tastes like vomit already
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
