I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
