barbara walters just said penis...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
