Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
