3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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