The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
