why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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