you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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