then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
