do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
