peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
