Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
