You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
