I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
