if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
